Kesunyian ini memelukku

Mengusap lembut kepalaku, sembari berkata

Kamu sudah bahagia, bersyukurlah

Entah kenapa rasanya, aku telah menjadi manusia yang kufur

Kesunyian ini menyadarkanku

Rasa syukur yang selalu kulupakan

Nikmat sebesar lautan tak terasa

Kebahagiaan pun tampak semu 

Kesunyian ini menghunus hatiku

Dalam tusuknya terukir mantra, sepi membunuh siapa pun tanpa ampun

Kesepian ada di sisiku

Entah berapa banyak kawan di sekelilingku

Kesunyian ini menyadarkanku

Ada kalanya aku perlu sepi

Kembali ke Tuhan, dan berserah

Bagaimana pun, kawan tak selamanya tinggal

I haven't write anything, outside of my undergraduate thesis, in months, or probably years. It can be said that my last writing was the last post that I posted before this. I now realized something, how my writings degrade in the last couple of years, especially since I went through this thesis journey. I also realized something, which is that I have this condition people called as "reading slump". I've tried my best to read more books, but the sparks weren't there. I remember the last book I managed to finish was "The Count of Monte Cristo", and it's like... 7 months back. 

It feels uneasy. There are people like me, who don't have anyone, who rely on writing just to pour their heart or just to unsettle their mind. Imagine, what happened to me and these kind of people when they can't write? 

Research always find a relation between reading and the ability to write. How can someone who don't read, arrange words in their head to form a sentence? Sometimes, people who don't read can't even put one's thought together. 

Lucky me, I know how my cognitive is slowing down, and I don't pretend like I know it all. Unfortunately, a lot of Indonesians don't realize they were. 

The more I doomscroll these days, the more I realized how a lot of Indonesians have my condition. They don't realized it though. Either because they lost their attention span, they lost their reading spark, or they have never read once in their lives. It is sad, very saddening. I know how hard it is going through a reading slump, loosing attention span, until we write poorly. It is upsetting seeing the later gen z and gen alpha don't even buy books no more. It is depressing how my little brother and their friends, have never go to nor liven up a public library. It is also disheartening, how books these days become a costly thing for us reader, that sometimes not even very profitable for the writer. I feel very sorry for all those writers whose books I used to pirate.

Coming back to me. I'm hoping to gain my joy in reading so that I can write better. I definitely sure I can write when I have more words in my mind. I think we can be okay as long as we can pour our heart into a writing, when we don't have anyone to share.